Understanding the Why Behind What You Say

Words construct our reality and create what others think about us. Everyday conversations can easily go into the crucial mode where just one word can change the dynamic of that conversation.

Our mind has a process through which it takes information called the DCR censor. Every piece of information that enters our mind goes through this three-step process.

1. Drive. The drive portion of our brain asks itself, “What’s in it for me?” When you’re selling to somebody or making an appointment with someone, the first thing they will ask themselves is this question.

2. Creative. The question that the creative portion of the brain asks itself is, “How can I hope to achieve this?” As you’re asking yourself that question, you are also thinking of the possible solutions. Usually this is based on previous experience. If you have experienced something in the past that is similar to this new piece of information, then the creative portion of your brain can be at ease and go, “Ok, I know how to achieve this because I’ve done it before.”

3. React. The reaction portion of our brain asks itself, “Am I comfortable with this?” This is where our fight or flight tendency kicks in. If you’re not comfortable with something and your natural tendency is to fight, then you’ll most likely call someone a name like “you’re being stupid” or “you’re being ignorant”. If you go on the offensive, then your natural tendency in the DCR censor is to fight. If you have more of a tendency to “flight” when you’re not comfortable, then you are more likely to shut down and avoid the conversation. The reaction portion of our brain is what holds us back from being comfortable.

Your mind is not your friend. Your mind is designed to protect you and to make you feel comfortable. Why we say what we say is to protect ourselves. We want to keep our self-interests in mind. You need to remember that your mind is not designed to make you successful and that you need to counteract what your mind naturally does.

There are four ways of reacting that all revolve around the DCR questions our mind asks us. They are:

1. Be defensive
2. Be aggressive
3. Be passive
4. Avoid

There are ways to solve this, though, and in turn become a master communicator.

1. Listen with your heart in the right place. When you’re in the middle of a conversation, regardless of how you feel, remove your ego. Remove the emotions and listen to the content of the conversation that is being said with your heart in the right place. A self-talk tip you can tell yourself when you’re going into an important conversation is, “I care about what is right more than who is right.” When your heart is in the right place and the intent of the conversation is to remove how you feel and then care more about doing what is right, there will always be a righteous outcome. The right thing will happen.

2. Be willing to be wrong and always listen to what is right. Sometimes you’ll go into a conversation and you might not know what the right thing is, but you will have an opinion. Hold your opinion loosely and look for the right thing. Be focused on looking for the truth and the truth will always prevail. If you go into the conversation thinking of that, then that will change the dynamics of the conversation you will have with somebody.

3. Do something different. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. So if your form of communication has not been working in your business and you can’t understand why people keep treating you this way, you have to shift your gears or else you will keep getting the same results.

Keep this in mind the next time you go into a phone call or meeting, and see how differently the outcome can be from conversations you’ve had in the past. These communication skills will take focus and training but will surely get you the best results!

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